Thursday, November 22, 2012

Enlightenment (for ladies only)

There are many ways to enlightenment. Some sit on a cushion for twenty years, some maneuver themselves in all kinds of strange body postures, some prostrate their way there, and then there is the way of the Tao for ladies. This involves a jade egg that one uses in a certain manner. My Healing Tao teacher is not prudish at all; she formulates this in a very juicy and direct style. But I am not like her, so I trust you to understand what we do with the egg.
Anyway, using the egg has many advantages, like deep relaxation, inner peace, natural beauty, rejuvenation, more sexual pleasure and healing trauma. So there we were: fifteen ladies, under a blanket, working our egg (which is done, as our teacher says, by ‘just smiling and looking stupid’).
Does it work? Well, yes. It turns out to be a great way to go inside: as soon as I sit behind the computer too much, my head gets restless, and it’s very difficult to fall asleep, so I take the egg to bed. It helps me center, connect to my body, relax and sleep, and then my dreams become very vivid. Furthermore I feel more present and less reactive (just been doing it for a few days now) than I have been recently. I am still waiting for the rejuvenation to take off, but I like the idea of sleeping and relaxing my way into enlightenment. (By the way: it is said that the egg gets black after a while, so it’s definitely doing something!)
Ilona Botterweg teaches Healing Tao in Amsterdam:

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Sweat lodge in Amsterdam

Yesterday: a private sweat lodge, next to a busy road near Amsterdam. Commuting traffic rushes by, but I focus on myself: the darkness of the lodge, the heat of the stones, and the beat of the drum make me go deep inside. My intention is on healing: my head often seems disconnected from my body: very uncomfortable.

While I am taking in the heat, sweating, I get to see above as below. There is really no difference between heaven and earth. But to be able to connect both I need to express who I really am. I see myself in a past live, being humiliated. I block my voice, and also my inner light. In the lodge I feel I have a choice. I start making sounds, singing a nursery song; calling my spirit back home.
I ask for eight more hot stones. Eight: the number of connection, eternity, oneness. Minutes later I am giving birth to my daughter. The sadness of the things that went so wrong, so differently than I intended, overwhelms me. A cry wells up from deep inside. Again I make a choice: this time my (her?) birth will be soft and effortless. When the heat becomes too much, I will not fight. I crawl outside, where I am welcomed by a soft hand. When the crying passes, she pours ice cold water over my head. I feel baptized, born again.
The lodge is like a dream: everything is connected and very meaningful when you’re inside, but sort of distant and illogical a few hours later.
Reijgersbroeck facilitates private, couples’ and group sweat lodges: (Picture:

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

My baby slept through the night!

This week our 14 month old slept through the night for the very first time! To make that happen I tried many things, but two made the difference. First: I finished breastfeeding, which improved our night rest enormously, because she stopped waking up every three hours to be fed. Second: we went to see a medium: Truus Hartsink. With use of high sense perception she diagnoses the cause of physical and emotional problems. She felt the sleeping problems of our baby to be related to an extra high level of a certain mineral, and prescribed a homeopathic remedy to balance it.
Like Truus predicted, we started to notice changes after six weeks: our little one began to fall asleep in my arms within five to ten minutes after bedtime, which made an end to my endless evening stroller walks. She stopped pushing me away when I held her. She got a better doable sleeping rhythm. And recently she climbed into the stroller and fell asleep all by herself. Miracles exist. Thank you Truus!
Are you desperate for a remedy, but no idea which one? Go to

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Path of Loneliness

She came to me for a ritual. She wanted to belong, and not feel like an outsider anymore. So I took her to the suburban beach, on the night of the full moon. Before us was a gate, then a long bumpy sand road. I did not have an easy task in mind for her.

I gave her a big refuse bag, and pointed at the road: ‘That is the Path of Loneliness. Follow it, and pick up the waste. Each item stands for the load you carry, and want to get rid off.’ I felt her fear, but she accepted the assignment bravely. She stepped through the gate, and I stayed behind her, following the energy and beating the drum. When she stopped for the first time, she lifted a heavy brick and put it in her bag. I felt the deep sadness in her gesture. I was aware of the length of the road ahead, and how much weight she had to take with her.
She continued, and kept collecting heavy things. Where I would go for plastic and cans - the indigestible stuff so to say - her eyes would only fall on big things that hardly fitted in her bag, or couldn’t be picked up all together. Sometimes she needed all her strength to pull something from under the sand. But she was determined: it needed to come to the surface, before it could be released. 
Seeing only her back, I was struck by her posture: it expressed the immense loneliness she had experienced as a little girl. No wonder she kept her eyes firmly on the lighthouse on the other shore; the light from ‘the other side’ supported her on her journey.
The Path of Loneliness ended in a circle, made from stones. This was her Sacred Space. The coherence between inside and outside was stunning, as always in rituals. We hadn’t seen much yet of Grandmother Moon, but she came up exactly when we needed her. The silver light washed away old energy, while bats (totems of transformation) circled above our heads. Softly she started singing, calling her soul back home.
When we returned to suburbia, I helped her carry her load. She wasn’t alone. She just needed to feel that.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Eight ways to manifest your wishes

Manifesting our deepest longings… isn’t that what we all want? I realize I am quite good at getting what I wish for. Last year my great dream (finally) came true: I had a baby; I married, and moved into a spacious, brand new apartment. I received a wedding outfit and rings, and also a complete baby equipment (strollers, bath, dresser, cloths, etc.). We easily found a new practice space, and recently I became the proud owner of a toilet seat, that I just needed. So, what can you do to get what you want, or speed it up a bit?
  1.   Make your intention clear. Put your desires into words and be precise. The main cosmic law is: energy follows intention.
  2.   Do rituals. New moon is the time to plant the seeds of your longings. Make a list of what you want, and revise it every new moon.
  3.   Visualize. Ground your ideas into the earth. You can use a guided visualization. (I have one by Nini Gridley).
  4.   Invite the angels in. Every once in a while we are asked to host a few angels for a couple of days. They bring harmony to the home, and help manifest. (Might work even if you don’t believe in angels.)
  5.   Giving is receiving. By holding onto things or money (or whatever) energy stays where it is. Stagnated energy is in the way of abundance.
  6.   Trust! Fear of not getting enough prevents energy from flowing. If you like the universe to work for you, make room in yourself and let it come through.
  7.   Do your process. My teacher Barbara Brennan said: if you haven’t realized what you want, it means your blocking that precise chakra. (So: trouble getting a new house, or money? Work on your first, that is: grounding and trust. Not able to find a fulfilling relationship? See what’s going on in your second chakra, and work on loving yourself, etc.)
  8.  Let go. You have no say over when or how your wishes will come true.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Art of Manifestation

Every once in a while someone asks if we would like to host a bunch of angels. We always say yes. It is a nice way to work consciously with our intentions. So, this morning they arrived. They will stay five days. On the fridge are a candle, an apple, a white flower, and a letter with our wishes. During the day we connect, and thank them for their presence.
Believe it or not, the angels bring abundance to our home. This last year people gave us so much, I can hardly believe it. Manifestation of our desires seems to go quicker every time they pass. I just need to put the question out there, and it manifests shortly after.
This week our toilet seat broke. ‘We need a new one’, I said. The same day one of my friends e-mailed: ‘This might be a strange question’, she said, ‘but would you like a toilet seat? I have a spare one.’ 
The universe can be so funny.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Soul Mates

Two beautiful women; soul mates.
One is going on a journey.
A farewell ritual.
Water, wind, sand, stones, sun,
The elements magically come together,
With inconceivable precision.
Two swans enter sacred space.
Wind picks up to support breath.
The sun disappears when dark energy surfaces;
And returns when release is there.
Geese mark the end of a life cycle.
Soft kisses from angels and guides.
The ritual ends.
Sails appear at the horizon; 
Good journeys!
With gratitude for mother Earth, father Sky and grandmother Moon,
Sacred Space dissolves...

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Magic: fake or fact? (2)

So, after reading about the Archetype of the destructive Female Power (see last post), I went into the dunes, to communicate with spirit, and the land, like R.J. Stewart in his book on magic suggested. I passed a hill, and saw a fox; never seen one before.
I sat down to meditate, a few meters from where the fox had been. I talked to the wind, the flies and the birds. I connected to the soil, and asked mother Earth for symbols. I started to follow the energy with my hands; signs arose. No idea what they were.
When I was done, a rabbit came. It was running towards me, squeaking loudly. Suddenly it started spinning around. It made very strange movements; on the same spot where I had seen the fox. One minute later it dropped dead. I was in shock. I did not dare to approach it.
I didn’t know what to do, then to simply connect, and share my love. A while later I took off. Before reaching the path, I was startled again. A flock of pigeons flew just over my head.
For a few days I felt totally puzzled. And I am still trying to figure out what happened. This is scary! Or am I just an ignorant city girl?  

(To be continued...)

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Magic: fake or fact? (1)

In one of my last posts I complained about mother Earth, because she didn’t give me any signs. Did she send me some messengers just a few days later! If I could only understand what they were saying…
This holiday I wanted to learn about magic. I find healings magical. I love the dreamlike state where I communicate with other dimensions. 

So when I started reading R.J. Stewart’s work, it really resonated: according to him magic is a means of transformation. Like meditation, yoga or healing can be. He describes magic as an initiation process, and practitioners are travelers, embarking on the Underworld Journey.
He says: ‘All magic is firmly based upon this Foundation: There is more than one world.’ And: ‘You cannot have magic without the harmonious exchange between humanity and other orders of life. A ritual, a ceremony, is a special pattern that enables this exchange. This ritual pattern is shared between humans and other beings… humans and spiritual beings.’
And: ‘One of the hallmarks of true magic is that it is freely available to all, yet very few of us choose to look for it.’ And: ‘Only when the individual has been through the Underworld can he or she mediate solar energies into the land, or bring Light and Dark together.’
Magic is about felt experience. It cannot be grasped by intellectual effort, or occur without body and Earth. Intention is everything. So is the knowledge that you are dealing with real entities (Archetypes), not fantasies.
I really liked what I read (and that's an understatement), yet understood only partly what he meant. So I went into the dunes, to experiment, and see if I could make some magic happen.

(To be continued...)

Want to learn more about magic? I read ‘The Underworld Initiation, A Journey Towards Psychic Transformation’, by R.J. Stewart, and ordered his ‘Advanced Magical Arts’. (But he wrote many more.) Or visit

Saturday, August 4, 2012

9 ways to get your baby to sleep

I met Barbara and her daughter Celine at a party. Celine was only two, but she was so sincere, and had so much depth; I recognized an old soul. Barbara hadn’t slept much since she was born. Every single night Celine woke up about 30 times. Barbara had her examined by doctors, but no physical cause was found.
I felt blessed: at a ‘bad’ night my eleven-month year old ‘only’ wakes up 10 times. Plus: I was already aware of the fact that this nerve wrecking sleeping pattern could be caused by her sensitivity to energy. For my book Mijn vader lijkt op Barbapapa I interviewed 30 highly sensitive kids, and as babies many of them had trouble closing their eyes.

So, is your baby driving you mad too? Then you might want to try a few things. Together they may improve your rest. We haven’t found the ultimate solution yet, but we are making progress.

1. Put these babies to sleep during the day (in the stroller if you have to). They won’t sleep longer at night if they are extra tired. On the contrary. They are super alert, and don’t want to miss anything.
2. Help them back to sleep immediately as soon as they wake up. They may look totally awake, but are in a ‘in between state’. 
      3. Make sleep a priority. Structure is beneficial, as are sleep rituals and a minimum of stimuli.
4. Have lots of physical contact. They need an adult to help them discharge their energy surplus.  
5. Some stones, like Howlite, improve sleepiness. 
6.  Bach remedies may help. We use Star of Bethlehem. 
7. Play dolphin music.
8. Put a refuse bag under their mattress. It absorbs energy.
9. Switch off the wifi at night.

Yet, the best advice is: give up your resistance. Every time I dread getting up in the middle of the night, or very early in the morning, I am suffering. I benefit most from keeping my heart open and enjoying every minute of her existence.
More suggestions? Please let me know!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Summer in Holland

It is mid summer in Holland, and raining all day. A cold wind blows. We are at the coast, celebrating our honeymoon. The caravan seems so small today for the two of us and the little one. She cries and cries. She is restless. And all I want is to make space for my resistance.
So when the baby falls asleep, I put on my rain suit, and go to the beach. First I yell at the waves, but it doesn’t seem to help. (Although I manage to create some unusual tones.) Then I spread my arms and imitate a seagull. Nothing happens. Irritation is all I feel.
I walk, face in the wind. The beach is desolate. No one else seems to come out in this stormy weather. I get an impulse to collect plastic. Soon after it is more than I can carry. I need a bag, and wish for one. A few minutes later I see a huge grey garbage bag.
So I create my own letting go ceremony. With each step I focus on feelings of gratefulness and with each item I pick up I honour mother Earth. By throwing the abandoned pieces of litter into the bag, I let go of my irritation.
I dispose kilos of dirt in the big orange garbage bins on the beach. And of course I expect my state of mind to change. But it does not totally. I am waiting for a sign from mother Earth; like a few rays of sunlight, or maybe a little rainbow to communicate her love. Nothing special happens. I feel disappointed. Back at the campsite my child has another emotional outburst.
And yet, something is slightly different. I feel more patient, more open. I play and have fun with my girl. Her mood shifts and she becomes as quiet as a little angel

Friday, June 22, 2012

What is healing?

In my healing career I have received maybe hundreds of healings. From Peruvian and Dutch shamans, Celtic and Kabbalistic healers, ‘Harry Potter’ fellow students and senior Brennan healers, an Australian eye gazer, psychic healers, healers who work with angel, dolphin and kundalini energy, or at long distance, and a healer who does her magic ‘only’ on the physical and therefore doesn’t want to be called a healer. O yeah, I almost forgot the most painful ones I got; from Balinese healers, who work your tendons like guitar strings. 

And still, it’s almost impossible to explain what a healing contains, or means. Healers follow their intuition, but often don’t really ‘know’ what they are doing. They ‘open up’ to the energy present, and facilitate anything that wants to come through. Healings are a matter of intention, timing, synchronicity, surrender and space created in the meeting between healer and client. In the end you don’t get a verbal answer on what it was about. You just know that it is ‘right’ because things fall naturally together. 
Today I went to see Emmy, a dolphin healer, who practices just around the corner. I lie down, she holds my head and the healing begins. I feel and see many different things, but I will keep it short. What matters is that our experiences match. Her perceptions meet my feelings. They are an answer to my initial question and give me the insight I need right now. Everything seems to be congruent, which tells me something happened on a level I cannot really grasp.
Want to do some soul diving too? Visit

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Fierce energies

I thought I was prepared. Having done a fair amount of spiritual work and personal process, I considered myself ready for 2012. I – sort of - believed that I had already digested the stuff I needed to. It was my time to enjoy now, and maybe help others to get there too. So, was that an illusion! There are no guarantees. We are vulnerable. Period.
A week ago, on June 6, Ralph was hospitalized because of fever and speech problems. He said ‘heater’, when he meant ‘bread’ for instance. Sometimes words came out backwards. Doctors thought he might have a brain infection or injury, gave him a high dosage of antibiotics, and put him through a series of medical examinations, which were quite traumatic to witness. Only to find out nothing was wrong.
In the emergency room I experienced a rollercoaster of feelings, but I also had faith. I knew his brain was not affected in a physical way. I assumed an energetic condition from the beginning. But still, my fear was bigger than my trust, so I let him undergo the insensitive medical interventions. I feel sad I did, and, paradoxically, great relief and gratefulness that they proved his brain to be totally fine.
He was sent home, and we wondered: what happened, and why? For now we suspect the cosmic shifts: the moon eclipse plus the Venus transition. Especially since we have heard of quite a few others exhibiting strange symptoms, including troubled speech. I am not sure this is what I meant, when I said ‘take advantage of 2012’ in my previous blog.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Hen night

I am about to get married and this week I had my hen night. Although, it wasn’t at night and everything else was different from the usual also. I wasn’t dressed up like a bunny. I didn’t have a ‘kiss me’ sign around my neck. I didn't get drunk. And yet, it wasn’t boring.  On the contrary: it was super intense. The next day I was totally worn out, like one should be after a bachelorette party. 
My friends performed a ritual for me, in order to help me make the transition from single to married woman. In a beautiful Mongolian yurt, lit by candles and with a fire in the middle, there were ten of my closest friends; half of them on a spiritual path, the others not. Some even have a slight resistance when it comes to these kind of things. Yet, they all showed up and were open to the whole mystery of it, because they felt it meant a lot to me.
So, there they were, sharing their thoughts and feelings, being honest, without holding back. There they were, giving me a group healing. There they were, crying with me. They even sang ‘Spirit is walking on celebration road’, while beating shamanic drums. They were seriously involved, only giggled once, because of the completely unusual, even weird setting.
I thank my friends for their love and their courage. For helping me let go of the things I don’t need anymore. For teaching me how to be a married woman: by being faithful to myself first. And I am grateful for their transmission of all the energies one needs in a marriage: love, support, positivity, autonomy, fun, enjoyment, care, silence, and love for the shadow as much as for the light.
The ritual was facilitated at Reijgersbroeck in Amsterdam:

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Take advantage of 2012

In 2012 several unique astronomical events will take place. On so called ‘activator dates’, the planets come together in exceptional constellations. Their alignment will make new energies available, leaving their imprint on planet and people. These energies are going to change the way we live our lives. Even our DNA might transmute. June 6, when Venus passes the sun - visible from here as a little black spot crossing the golden surface - is one of these dates. So is December 21. 

To be able to receive the new (higher) frequencies, ceremonies are very helpful. Ceremonies form bridges between visible and invisible worlds. Especially in community, we can anchor these energies in our bodies and expand our awareness; by feeling, by being conscious of the event, and holding a full intent.
Dutch shaman Patries van Elsen helped Ralph and me prepare for the ceremonies we will lead this year. In meditation we connected to our blood. My energy field started to vibrate. It expanded and contracted and expanded again. I went through a gate, to a more refined level of energy inside, and again, and again. Until my DNA was touched.  
It is said that after 2012, with the help of those frequencies, we are able to manifest our longings much more quickly than before. That is: if we dare to trust, and start living our destiny. The only thing we need to do is to let go of old structures, believes and fears, and fall together with whom we really are. 
To attend our ceremony on June 6 in Amsterdam, subscribe through More ceremonies: en Astrological background:

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The universe provides

When I felt lonely, I feared I would never have a relationship. When I found a partner, I panicked about not having a child. When the baby came, I was scared we would never get a decent home to live in. Yet we were given this spacious, comfortable apartment at a fair price. Moreover, we were provided with most of the baby stuff. At every stage of not having what I longed for, trust was key. Whenever I was able to shift my focus from fear to faith changes started to happen. It was like creating a doorway for the helping forces to move through. Like they no longer bounced back on the walls of my worries. So from experience I know: the universe provides. It gives me all I need. And yet I cannot stop creating scary images. This time I dread lack of money. I do what has worked before: I (make an effort to) surrender to not-knowing, I (struggle to) welcome the unpleasant feelings, I shift my focus to trust, and I am grateful for all I receive. (Which is quite a lot.) But again I am nervous. Although a bit less than in the past. I do not totally believe fear any more. The universe provides.
(Picture Erik Buis:

Thursday, May 10, 2012


At the Easter Cemetery in Amsterdam you can walk into other dimensions. It begins at the gate, where a golden guard watches over the visitors. But before you enter the burial ground, look right. Just in front of the entrance is plenty of space to park your rational mind.

Once inside you’ll notice some blossoming trees. The garden looks beautiful this time of year. And then you’ll meet this ‘common maple-tree that is not common at all’. It understands what it is like to have lost a dear one. Open your senses and feel how it caresses your cheeks and embraces you softly.
Lady’s from another era stroll the lanes, with rustling skirts and sunshades. A carriage with horses passes the graves. A little soul, not longer on this plane, is playing with a dog. Giggling fills the air. I feel the spirits so closely I can almost see them. The cemetery vibrates with aliveness.
When you continue the sound journey, you’ll end up at a little green building. It’s the ‘galactic computer, portal machine’. Step in, close the door; push the black button, and solfeggio tones fill the space. In old ages these sounds were used to enter deeper levels of consciousness and to travel to other dimensions. After fifteen minutes of toning I am balanced and totally at peace. My feeling of dying has deepened again: it is a passage, not the end.
Afterlife is an exposition about our final destination, at the Ooster Begraafplaats in Amsterdam (till 1 July). The sound tour and the portal machine are an art project by Nathalie Bruys:

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Fear of Death

The sun turned red. Summer time had just begun. We went to the beach, my friend and I. It felt warm, nice. It had been a long time since we were together.
We entered an apartment. Before the window stood a large bed, looking out over the sea. Next to it was a chair. There he sat: a young guy, in his twenties. He was cold, wore a hat. The doctors said he would soon die. They had done all they could.
The message made him loose his faith, despite his hope. He was angry. Why him? ‘I may be leaving people behind’, he said, ‘but no one realizes I have to go all by myself.’ ‘Where to?’ we asked. ‘Infinity. Infinite loneliness that is. A big black hole.’ He was paralyzed with fear.
They had brought a wheelchair into his home, but didn’t ask if they could. It made him angry too. He was not going to say goodbye.
We sat on the bed. In silence. My friend took his head in her lap. I sat next to him. We shared some love and comfort, and hoped he would glimpse another part of reality. The energy in the room changed. He felt free for a moment.
We drove back home in another state of consciousness. We were filled with compassion and humility. Behind us people sounded their horn, impatiently. Another car driver aggressively stuck to our bumper to show his discontent. I decided, again, to be grateful for every single day.
This weekend he died. 

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Eye Gazers

Ben Risby Jones is an Australian healer. At the age of 19, he was struck by a ball of white light. Suddenly he could hear other people’s thoughts and feel their emotions. Now he travels the world teaching about the purpose of life. His specialty: eye gazing. I recently attended his workshop in Amsterdam.

We sit opposite each other, holding hands. I slowly open my eyes and look for my partner’s. I choose the right one, and start gazing. He doesn’t blink, meets me; gazes back. Deep down in my belly I feel the memory of loneliness. It fades, and another experience surfaces: pure white light shines through him. I feel at home. Two spirits become one.
The next round. I find myself gazing into the eyes of a beautiful woman. I have never been so intimate with a stranger. Her pupil turns into a gate, allowing me to feel deeper into her being. Her energy seems so soft, yet familiar. I just love this frequency. Am I exploring her, or myself (without judgment this time)?
The next round. A big man. A totally different experience again. An energetic reality arises: I see him in the woods; sense the depth of nature. He is a healer, a medicine man, in another lifetime.
The next round. An unpleasant, revolting sensation comes up. My body aches. I want to die. Life is pointless.
After fifteen hours of eye gazing, I have felt and seen myself on countless levels: I am a being with pain, feelings and convictions. I am a soul travelling through life times, gaining wisdom. I am a spirit, confined by bodily limits. I am infinite light.
Ben Risby Jones will be giving more workshops in Europe and the US:

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

A Shaman's Initiation

It was a beautiful spring day, when we drove to Pinjum. Pinjum in Friesland, near  the closing dike, surrounded by meadows. We were heading for our initiation. It was my second. Last time I was initiated in the heart, this time my vision was up. When the door opened, two huge, barking dogs greeted us. Just behind we saw the 'paqo's' - the shamans: Don Modesto en Don Bernardino. Two tiny little men, colorful ponchos, knitted caps, crooked legs, callous on their feet. They had a huge energy field nonetheless. The youngest, Don Modesto, was struck by lightning. Not once. Three times. It was his initiation to be a healer. His father, the very old Don Bernardino, became one after a poisonous snakebite. Two days before they had arrived in Rotterdam. Never before they left the mountains. And now they had taken the plane, to bring their wisdom to the West. During my third eye initiation they worked with the energy of Pacha Mama, the eagles and the Pleiades constellation. I flew with them to other dimensions. After the session they were served lunch. I keep having this image: two little men, in ponchos, in a villa on flat soil, eating sauerkraut. In shock. 
The paqo's give healings, initiations and courses. For the Netherlands see: